DIARY BETWEEN WORLDS

The deeper I go into the world of dreams, the layered nature of reality, beings and spirits that may exist alongside us, the human aura, mediation, faith, God as the Higher Light, the memory carried within our DNA, and the guidance of our ancestors, the more often I find myself facing one question:

Should I be reading other authors?

The more I search, the more books, articles, teachings, and people I come across who speak about similar things. And almost every time, I consciosly put them aside.

Not because I believe they are wrong. And not because I think I have nothing to learn from them.

I am afraid of something else.

I am afraid of losing the purity of my own search.

When we read a powerful author, their thoughts inevitably stay with us. Sometimes we do not even notice how we begin to look at something through their eyes. Another person’s idea may resonate so deeply with something we already feel that, after a while, it becomes difficult to tell:

Did I arrive at this understanding myself, or did I once read it somewhere?

And this is exactly what I am trying to avoid rihgt now.

I may briefly look through a book or an article. I may notice that someone else is exploring the same subject. And then I put it aside.

For now, I consciously choose not to go too deeply into other people’s interpretations.

Because first, I need to hear myself.

Everything I am writing about at this stage comes from within me: through dreams, sensations in my body, and what I personally experience as the flow of my ancestral line.

I observe it.

I write it down.

I compare what returns again and again.

And I try to understand.

I have no spiritual mentor. I have no teacher. I do not belong to any particular spiritual school or teaching. And sometimes I wonder whether this is the rihgt way.

There have been moments when I thought that perhaps I would like to belong somewhere – to a group, a spiritual commuity, a tradition, perhaps I would like to have a teacher, a guide, or someone who could explain what I am experiencing.

But every time I consider it seriously, something inside me stops.

Because I realise that if I consciously begin to follow someone else’s system now, I may slowly lose the ability to recognise my own voice.

And before I can distunguish another person’s voice from my own, I first have to know who I am.

I do not think I know that completely yet.

I do not yet know where my own inner boundaries are – where my understanding ends and somebody else’s interpretation begin.

Perhaps with a teacher this journey would be faster.

Perhaps someone has already found words for things I am only beginning to feel.

Perhaps there are books that could explain in a few pages what may take me months or even years to understand on my own.

But something inside me continues to say: Not yet.

My unconscious is still speaking to me.

I dream of schools. I dream that I am learning. In some of these dreams, I receive permissions to study – something I personally understand as permission from the Higher Light to continue this path.

And if something is being given to me, I feel that it is being given for a reason.

So for now, my most important book remains the one that is still being written inside me.

My body. My dreams. My memorys. My ancestors. My questions. My own inner source.

I do not know whether I am doing this the right way.

Perhaps one day I will reach a point when my own inner resouces have taken me as far as they can, and I will feel a genuine hunger for the knowledge of others.

Perhaps that is when teachers, books, traditions, and spiritual communities will enter my life.

But I want to meet them already knowing where my own voice ands and another voice begins.

Perhaps this makes the journey longer.

But for now, it keeps the journey mine.

And today I would genuinely like to ask those of you who write, create, search, or explore:

Where do your thoughts come from?

When you create something of your own, do you read other authors for inspiration?

Or do you sometimes deliberately step away from other voices so that you can hear your own?

What inspires you?